The Bad Mother
May 28, 2010 Ever since I started watching the show, The Good Wife, I pretty much want to do a play on those three words for the title of every post I write.
I've already done The Good Husband.
Now we have The Bad Mother.
I'm just going to tell you right now that you can probably expect more of this in the future.
I could just as easily have named this post The Ornery Children.
Yeah, I know. They don't look ornery in these pictures. But you don't know.
Nobody knows.
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
Nobody knows my sorrow.
Well, until now. I'm telling it to the world.
Ornery Children = Bad Mother.
Ornery Children = Mother who probably really isn't bad, but feels bad.
Ornery Children = Mother who hates it when she has to be the voice of reason, the pillar of discipline, the level headed one, the one who makes the rules. And enforces them.
Sometimes I equate my 'job' to that of a correctional officer.
My kids have been a bit tyrannical this week. They were sick last week and are still getting over it, and if there's one thing I've learned about children, it's that they just don't act like themselves when they're not feeling quite right. I try to keep this in mind when I'm encouraging them for the 100th time to speak kindly and have patience.
Scenario #1:
Child (whining): I waaaaant juice.
Mother (perfectly accommodating and serene): Okay, I'll get you some.
Child (whining louder): I don't WANT juice.
Scenario #2:
Child (wanting to pretend to feed her baby doll): I want a little dish.
Mother hands child little dish. And spoon. Just for good measure.
Child: I want a BIG dish!
Scenario #3:
Mother (no longer perfectly serene): No toys in the kitchen.
2.4 seconds later, child comes whizzing through the kitchen with a dump truck.
Mother puts child in time out, for the 100th time, for not listening. Mother discusses with child, for the 100th time, the importance of listening. Mother feels like she is wasting her breath.
Scenario #4:
One child steps up to look out the window. Other child steps up next to her to look as well. The first child has a meltdown because the other child is evidently standing on the wrong side of her, which is unacceptable for reasons yet unknown. Whining, crying and foot stomping ensue. Bewildered mother asks child to talk like a 'big girl', then explains that it doesn't matter what side they are standing on. What was worthy of emotional catastrophe only moments earlier is now subdued by the view of a bird outside.
Scenario #5:
Mother: Toys don't go in your mouth.
Child: I was just sucking on it.
Mother: Toys don't go in your mouth.
Child: I was just licking it.
Mother: Toys DON'T go in your mouth.
Child: I was just biting it.
Mother (getting frustrated): Did you HEAR what I said?
Child: Ummmmmm...
Mother: I asked you a question. Did you HEAR what I said?
Child (in an unruly manner): Yes!
Mother: Then you say, "Yes, mom."
Child (in a small, mocking voice): Yes, mom.
Internal Dialogue of Mother: I could snap you like a twig, you little turd.
External Dialogue of Mother: Talk like a big boy, please.
Child (less mocking): Yes, mom.
Mother: Thank you.
Internal Dialogue of Mother: You're still a turd.
Thus ends the scenario run down.
Now take all of those scenarios, along with hearing your child spout out, "No!" at pretty much every request you make, stealing of toys from one another, falling down, bumps, bruises and scrapes, dunking color crayons in juice cups, incessant talking and talking and talking and talking and talking, and multiply it all times 78.75, and you will get a feel for the week I have had.
Believe it or not, I'm not looking for pity. Although I know you inevitably will pity me. I'm just trying to say, if I ever painted a picture of my children as little angels here on this website, it was a misrepresentation.
They're little turds.
They get ornery.
They act bucky.
They rage against the machine.
They're also beautiful.
They're beautifully made. They're beautifully loving. They're beautifully imperfect. They're good kids.
Even when they're naughty, they're good kids.
They're beautifully human, just like their mother, who has to remind herself that it's okay to have ornery children sometimes. And it's okay to not always do or say the perfect thing when they're ornery. And it's okay to be frustrated. And it's okay to talk about it.
Wait, who am I trying to convince? Me or you?
I'm okay, you're okay. Okay?
The voices outside my head.
I hope they never stop.
But if they were a little more well behaved and a little less whiny, it would be much appreciated.
Reader Comments (3)
I totally understand the talking NON-stop!! It's almost like an announcer on the radio giving us the play-by-plays. He even adds in commercial breaks. :) Yes, I can say, I've felt the same way in many instances dealing with my beautiful, trouble-making boys! Hang in there, you will only have to deal with this for another 18 years. ;)
You tend to forget days like this when you are 15 years down the track....but you brought it all back to me! (Little turds! Unfortunately they can also be big turds at times.....)
hehehehehe that's a good post. I never thought to capture those moments. Like when my almost 5 year old asks first for coke, no, then for juice, ok, then while you're getting the cup decides on milk, then you set the gallon on the counter and he goes ice water. LOL Ornery is such a good word. :)