Implications

I'm going to try to be as unemotional about this as I can.

Losing our beloved mammoth puppy, Elsa, has implications beyond the sadness that we feel. Her presence in our lives was very real and affectual. There were things about her presence that changed the way we went about our lives in various ways.

(Her collar. Still hanging on our railing. Unworn because she was growing so fast it would become tight quickly and her fur would mat around it.)

For instance, we never left shoes or garden gloves or bean bag toss bags or plastic watering cans lying around because she would chew them to pieces.

Or wait... Did we leave those things lying around and she did chew on them? That sounds more accurate. Anyhow, we were simply getting accustomed to putting things up out of her reach, which was very, very high.

And even higher once she figured out how to climb up onto the picnic table.

(Gourds and sidewalk chalk. Also chewed on.)

She made me think about all my landscape and decorating ideas in a different way. Wood chip mulch was but a magnet for her giant paws. My ribbon-wrapped pumpkin wouldn't exist if she were here right now. Again, the chewing.

(Railing. Chewed on. Muddy. Elsa.)

So, the overall theme here is that she mostly made us think about not leaving things lie around -- decorative or otherwise -- because we would likely find it gnawed on in some form when we went to look for it.

But it wasn't just the chewing.

The other thing she meant in our lives, the thing that daunts me a bit, is more deeply personal. It goes to the very heart of me. Or should I say........ The womb of me.

You might remember we had a little discussion about babies back in the spring, and I had to do a little convincing to myself that I don't want another baby right now. And any of you who commented were no help on that front at all. Ya bunch of baby lovers. But I held firm.

And shortly thereafter bought myself a puppy.

And she filled that void.

And she grew at such epic proportions that she left no room in that void for anything else. I didn't give babies a second thought, because I had baby Elsa.

So do you see my situation here? No Elsa. And no baby. And I really don't feel compelled to get another puppy right now, because it would just be a rebound puppy, and that just wouldn't be fair to the new puppy.

And Elsa might come back.

I haven't given up hope.

But for now, that leaves me with no Elsa, and no baby.

And a fear that I will give in to my hormonal emotions and bring another life into this world, which will be my complete and total undoing. If I give in and watch A Baby Story on TLC, it will be all over for me.

That is all.

Comments

[Flying Jae's Mom]

First, I will say, praying the Lord comforts you guys and takes care of Elsa where ever she is, and if He wills it, sends her home quickly! Second, about the baby thing, I am just going to smile...:-) and then leave it at that!

[Michelle]

: (

[Farmer Gal]

I know.

:(