Growing Pains
December 8, 2010 
This funk I'm in.
I just can't put my finger on it.
It could be several things. Other than blaming it on the massive Thanksgiving meal I ingested a couple weeks ago, I also attribute it to the fact that I should have been born a grizzly bear. I'm much better suited to going into hibernation mode during the colder months and eating wild berries and salmon.
I also think it would be ideal to be considered 'good looking' the more hairy and chubby you get.
But if I want to be wholly honest (and serious), there are some things that I do know are bothering me.
For one, Christmas.
For two, winter.
Christmas and winter, they find me wanting. Wanting to be able to give more. Wanting to have more. Wanting to feel some inner satisfaction from all the worldly things -- the gifts, the decorations, the lights -- and coming up empty. Wanting to be able to walk barefoot in the sunshine. Or at least have a wood stove, barreling out the heat, to cozy up to.
Staring out into the bleakness of white space, it's somehow easier to think about the things you don't have. It blinds you of the brilliant colors of the things that you do.
I'm a little bit ashamed of myself, to tell you the truth.
I'm so blessed, in so many ways. And even if I weren't so blessed right now, I have the eternal promise of heaven.
So what's my deal?
Weh-ell, I don't think that God condemns us for our human nature. Not when we confess it to him and say, "God, I feel ______. Can you help me through it? 'Cause I'm no good on my own."
In fact, wasn't Jesus born to save us from our human nature?
What a timely, not-so-little reminder for me, just before the celebration of His birth.
He has planted the seed in my heart, and it is time for me to get out of the way and let Him make it grow!
Reader Comments (3)
Cold weather, lack of sunshine.... winter throws me into that funk every darn year. You'll get through it.
Hang in there sweetie. I'd love to experience the snow that you have there - but I know that it must be a whole different thing to live in it with house-bound little ones.
Time for you to get your camera out and play.
Seeing the snow picture really made me miss the farm today! Sometimes I wish I was close enough to "just stop by". Brings back a lot of memories.....