Burden

I'm not usually one to start out a post with words like, "Webster's dictionary defines the word 'burden' as..."

But today I am.

Because as I was naming this post, I felt the word 'burden' was my best option. Yet I didn't want to convey a negative connotation, which 'burden' sometimes can, depending on the context.

So here's what I found...

bur·den (bûrdn) (n.):
1. Something that is carried.
   a. Something that is emotionally difficult to bear.
   b. A source of great worry or stress; weight.
2. Load; also Care, Responsibility.
3. A responsibility or duty.
4. Cargo; capacity for cargo.
5. Refrain; chorus.
6. Main theme or idea.

I found all of these definitions to be spot on in regard to what I've been feeling. I also found #'s 5 & 6 to be a surprise, and particularly interesting. And fitting.

I also find it interesting how we can have a physical reaction to something that is emotionally heavy to bear. I remember when my dad passed on, telling my brother how I quite literally felt like my insides were caving in. The grief seemed to pull down on every part of my being.

In this instance, I feel a physical pull of this burden on my heart. I feel the weight of it.

So let me get to it...

Lately my heart has been burdened... And I will tell you that I don't think it's just a side-effect of something else that is going on. Life is good and I count my blessings daily. However, I feel like The Lord has been putting things on my heart... Thoughts of how to better serve Him. Thoughts of not just being a believer, but His disciple.

I keep thinking about where we find balance as a Christian...

On one hand we are to occupy with gladness. On the other hand, we know that we are faced with challenges that can shake us to our core; make us question what faith, if any, we truly possess.

On one hand we are saved by grace, and our faith that Jesus is the Son of God. We are not saved by our works. On the other hand, at many points in our Christian walk, we are called to do more for God than only believe in Him.

On one hand, we experience moments of intimate closeness with God and calm within a storm. On the other hand, we find ourselves shaken and perplexed at this world, so out of our control. And worse yet, there are times we find ourselves fully enjoying all of the blessings the Lord has given us, yet we've almost forgotten about Him altogether.

So I find myself thinking, "How do I do that? How do I occupy with gladness while in the face of spiritual battle?"

I fail daily.

I don't pray as often as I should. I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes. I resist surrendering myself to Him completely.

So it's only fitting that I keep being struck by the Scriptures that refer to our daily walk, particularly Lamentations 3:22-27... 

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young."

And 1 Corinthians 15:31...

"I die every day -- I mean that, brothers -- just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I take comfort and guidance in these ideas of dying daily and the Lord's mercies being new every morning.

But take comfort in dying daily?

Yes.

It is the only way to lose myself and the wordly things that surround me, and live for Him. My Lord, in His infinite wisdom (never have those two words been more true) is telling me to wake up each morning and throw myself at His feet. Read His Word. Pray. Worship. Remain in fellowship with Him and my fellow Christians.

Daily.

So this is the burden on my heart. And this 'burden' fits every definition of the word. I carry it with emotional difficulty, yet the responsibility comes with a joyful chorus. One, that I would b worthy of being a child of God. And two, that he He would call me to serve Him.

But it's not going to be on my timeline...

(...to be continued...)