Last night.

Oh, last night.

We just can't quite seem to get a quiet moment around here.

But last night, I think it was about as loud as it gets. Earth shattering. Really.

I went to bed early. Really early. Like, before 8:00 early. (Still fighting this cold.) I read for quite a spell before finally closing my eyes, but I don't think I actually fell asleep until after 10:00. THEN, sometime around 10:45, directly above my head, I hear...

Click cllliiick. Click cllliiick. Click cllliiick.

Click cliiiick. 

Click cllliiick. Click cllliiick. Click cllliiick. Click cllliiick. Click cllliiick. Click cllliiick.

Vermin. In our ceiling tiles. Again.

AGAIN!

Yeah, I know, this has only been two times. But when there is some sort of rodent crawling around directly above your head while you are sleeping, two times is a'plenty.

I'm choosing to believe it was just a mouse. Because mice are fairly easy to catch. However, truth be told, it sounded larger than a mouse. And it seemed to have a limp.

Mr. Blue Eyes tried to convince me that it wasn't any sort of animal. To lie down and go back to sleep. But I can read between the lines when it comes to him. He might as well have just said, "I'm sleeping and I'm too tired to deal with this right now, and I want you to stay in bed with me, so I'm going to try to convince you it's not a rat with a peg leg."

But I know better.

I high-tailed it outta there and headed upstairs to sleep in the living room. I settled into the comfy recliner, and with this cold, it was almost better to be upright anyway.

I was sleeping quite peacefully when all of the sudden...

BOOM!

And I mean, seriously... BOOM!

The earth shook. The house shook. I went from quiet slumber to being wide awake.

Lightning must have struck somewhere here on the farm, or at least somewhere very close by. I can't explain how loud or powerful it was other than to increase my font size and use bold lettering. It was power that only God can produce, man. Only God.

Mr. Blue Eyes told me this morning that he sat straight up in bed. But somehow, and I have no idea how, our kids didn't make a peep.

They slept through the entire night.

And this morning, wonder of wonders, I awoke to this...

 My children... smiling... at me!

(These pictures were taken a few hours later, once we were all groomed and I had the good sense to take a few pictures of them, but you get the picture.)

We've been short on smiles and/or pleasant moods in general around here this sickly week, so when I saw Little Blue flash me his pearly whites, all I could think was, "Sweet Jesus, thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you."

A smile sure does go a long way.

I feel that maybe I just shouldn't write about this stuff anymore. That by writing about it, I am possibly just dwelling on the negative and making it worse in my mind. And if I don't write about it, and pretend it doesn't exist, it will just go away.

But I've been telling myself lately that it's important to be honest in my blog. Maybe I don't tell you all the most intimate and personal details of my life, but what I do share needs to at least be an honest representation.

So I'm going to tell you a bit about my day...

Five kids. Ranging from baby to preschoolers. They are good. They are sweet. Most days I love being at home here with them.

Even though I have to repeat myself eleven times about twenty-two different things.

Even though emotional meltdowns are always lurking behind the corner.

(Theirs, not mine.)

(Which is debatable at this point, but usually it's theirs.)

But today...

My couch has been puked on (the gross side effect of a child with a cough) three times and peed on once.

I was peed on once.

One of the little men missed the toilet and peed on the bathroom floor a bit.

And one of the little women pooped in her crib at naptime.

And none of us are feeling all that well yet.

And here's the best one... When I casually mentioned to Mr. Blue Eyes that our sweet puppy, Elsa, has been wandering over to the other side of the road for some reason, he informed me that's where he's been dumping the cat litter.

Oh, yummy...

The puppy that insists on putting her mouth on you everytime you walk out the door has been eating cat poop.

There's a pleasant little revelation for ya'.

Well, every single little one is asleep at the moment, so I'm off to clean up the house, spray down every last thing with Clorox Anywhere, take my vitamins, and hide in the corner while sucking my thumb and daydreaming about becoming a perfume saleswoman.

Not necessarily in that order.

I just love that movie.

I am unhappy to report that it didn't solve all my problems.

(Or if you read yesterday's post, it's probably more accurate to say my 'non-problems'.)

I still feel like a turd in a bucket, but today I did get a little help from my friends...

Uno) A long chat with Marigold. Sometimes I think she and her sister are the only ones who can convince me I'm not a crazy, hormonal mess. Or that we're all equally crazy, hormonally messy. And either way, it always helps my mood by leaps and bounds to know I'm not alone in this world of young motherhood.

2) Mr. Blue Eyes stayed home today to help me out with the kids and lighten my workload. Sometimes when he doesn't know what to say to perk me up, he does know that simply his presence is a comfort. Once again, I'm reminded I'm not alone.

(Alone... Alone... Anyone sensing a pattern here? Could I be... oh I don't know... lonely? In need of some adult companionship?)

Thirdly) I ran across some pictures this evening of my babies when they were actually much more baby-ish. Since they had emotional meltdowns left and right all day today and we put them in bed by 7:00 because they were just so unbearable, seeing pictures of them, when they were so much more vulnerable and innocent, gave me a little surge of motherly love. I know that they're still vulnerable and innocent, but when they've reached the age where they can fill an entire day (or several days) with sass-talk and whining, it becomes increasingly harder to remember that fact.

So, you wanna see? You wanna see some pictures of chubby baby chub?

Hold onto your hormones, ladies...

Awwwww... Look at that toe head. Those blue eyes. Those angelic chubby cheeks! Cheek chub is quite possibly one of the best kinds of chub.

And now for the real baby baby shot...

I TOLD you to hold onto your hormones.

I know.

Pink.

Glossy little pucker.

Sleeping baby girl.

It's NOT enough to erase my frazzled nerves at the last few stressful weeks, but almost.

Almost. 

It helps.

In Marigold's infinite wisdom, I think the thing that might be enough to give me some relief, enough to put me back in the land of being a sane, patient mother, is a little something called...

Sleep.

Which is exactly where I'm headed right this second.

I find a lot of inspiration and sisterhood here in the blogosphere. As a stay-at-home mom / daycare provider, there are some days when the web is the only place I find any adult interaction. It's just good to know that someone is out there, especially when so many bloggers are moms like me. And we share the little truths of our lives with one another, and we realize we're not alone in our daily grind.

SO, today I'm here to share a little truth. A little reality. A little taste of what's going on with me.

I'm so stinkin' tired.

The kids have been sick for five days, and now I'm sick. We've spent the day resting, but we're all so miserable, none of us can really relax. Our schedule has been much more busy and overwhelming lately, and it has finally gotten the better of me. I'm officially in burn-out mode.

Do you ever find yourself in burn-out mode?

Please tell me you've experienced burn-out mode.

It will make me feel better. It will reenforce the idea of 'sisterhood' I speak so highly of.

I know that it is, in fact, burn-out mode, for several reasons...

1. Nothing is wrong, other than being sick. My relationships are good. No one is rocking my boat. Our sources of income are steady. There isn't anything undesireable looming on the horizon.
2. Nothing makes me happy. I'm pretty much disinterested in everything around me. I've got no pep.
3. Even the most menial tasks make my brain hurt.
4. I'm sick of everyone, everything, and myself.

Okay, now that I'm writing it down, I realized that this is probably a combination of burn-out mode AND foggy-sick-person-brain. I just keep telling myself, since nothing is actually wrong, that I will perk up once I get over this cold. And I tell myself not to overthink it too much, and not to look for problems where there aren't any.

The only thing going on around here is burn-out-foggy-sick-person-brain.

So here I sit, thinking, "Dear children, please keep sleeping," and, "Dear husband, please come home soon," and watching Marley & Me. Because I feel that maybe I just need to induce a good cry to get it out of my system, and since nothing in my life is actually wrong, I must resort to Marley & Me.

And now is the part where Jen has a miscarriage and Marley comes over and puts his head in her lap.

Oh yeah, tears. Here we go.

Shoot, I got nothin'. And now the movie is back to being funny again. I guess I'll have to ride it out till the end.

If this doesn't work, I may have to bring out the big guns...

P.S. I Love You.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

It's funny how one picture of a yellow pear tomato can tie in so many ideas for me this morning. Let me just tell you... If you're a blogger, and you can't think of anything to write about, just go look through your pictures and one of them will speak to you.

A couple of things on my mind this morning, all in regard to the idea of 'worth waiting for'...

1) This happy little tomato. I think it may be my favorite thing produced by the garden so far. Yellow pear tomatoes are my favorite of all the tomatoes. Perhaps even of all the vegetables. They're such a special treat. And as I may have mentioned, we put a lot of work into our garden this year, so the reward is that much sweeter.

2) My babies and some down time. My babies are sick today. (I don't usually call them my 'babies' anymore, but rather my 'kids'. But when they're sick, they're my 'babies' once again.) Actually they've been sick for over four days now with raspy voices and coughs and fevers. I came down with it yesterday, although I don't think I have it as badly as they do. Between the sickness and a crazy schedule for the last two weeks and right through the weekend, we needed some down time. So this morning I called my daycare kiddos' parents and had them stay home today. My babies need some rest so they can get better. And frankly, so do I.

3) Twelve years ago tonight, Mr. Blue Eyes and I had our very first date. (For a little run-down on how we met and got together, click here. Except don't. Because I find it very embarassing now. But do. Because it was the beginning of something wonderful. But don't. But do. Just don't tell me that you did, and I can continue pretending that no one has read it, ever.) So here we are, twelve years down the road, and we've spent the past 3.75 out of 4 nights sleeping  in separate beds, because we've been sleeping with the babies while they are sick. Even though he is much larger and sometimes he scratches me with his toenails, I'm realizing he is still my preferred sleeping partner over the kids. He's much more snuggly and has never once kicked me in the head, which is more than I can say for Miss Peaches at this point.

What about y'all? What are you enjoying today that was worth waiting for? Or what are you currently waiting for down the line?

I didn't have time for all that this morning, but I did have a few minutes to take some pictures. I will warn you, they aren't very riveting. Everything is... pretty much... simply... GREEN. You may not even be able to distinguish one plant from another. However, since I bent your ear so much a couple months ago with getting it all started, I just had to share with you the fruits (or vegetables) of our labor!

This is a green bell pepper. You probably knew that, but in case there was any confusion... Just thought I'd be informative. The following pictures, a plethora of green, will be much less obvious to identify...

These are the green beans. They have been sorely neglected the last couple weeks. Tomorrow, my sole mission in life is to pick and freeze some. The fact that they know how to climb up their trellis is amazing to me. (Yes, the trellis is in there... somewhere.)

Here's a bushy patch of carrots. In a normal garden, you might find carrots more in a row, which is how my seedlings started out. But in my garden, where Elsa the mammoth puppy is present and inexplicably has an affinity for lying on the carrot greens, the carrots are now bunched into areas where they have survived Elsa and bare areas where they have not.

Tomato plants. The only thing around here more mammoth than Elsa. (Except for the pumpkins... We'll get to those in a moment.) They're more like bushes. And look! Some color...

Yellow tomatoes! They are sweet and yummy.

Back to green... Sweet potatoes! They might not be much to look at now, but they're probably my biggest source of pride in the garden. I received the slips (small plants that you put in the ground) and ended up putting them in the ground, on a hot and muggy night, with gnats swarming all around me. It was the only time I had to get it done, so I did it in a hurry. The following day, it was crazy windy, and my poor little plants were all tossed about. They became very sad, dry and droopy. I really didn't think they would survive. And since sweet potato plants aren't exactly cheap (compared to a $1 packet of seeds), and neither are the actual sweet potatoes once they are grown, this was my biggest investment in the garden and I really wanted them to make it. I went out there, piled up the dirt a little more firmly around each one (about 24 plants total), and gave them a good drink of water. Then I watered them and weeded them and watered and weeded, much more care than anything else in the garden. They didn't look good for the first month or so, and I wondered what would become of them, but all of the sudden they took hold and started growing like wildfire! They've even survived the pumpkins that are encroaching upon them. I can't wait to go out there and dig a few to see what we have!

Beets! These are the red. We also have a golden beet. We harvested and froze some of a red ones a couple weeks go, and they were yummy.

And what do we have here? A mammoth puppy growing in a mammoth patch of pumpkins and squash. The pumpkins and squash are flourishing so much, they are just a sea of huge green leaves. But if you wade in a little bit and look closely, you'll find this...

Hey there, buddy. How's it goin' down there? You look good. Way to grow! See ya' in a month or so.

And now the secret is out. I talk to my vegetables. Is it wrong to have a conversation with something you will soon devour?

I think I shall leave you with that thought to ponder.

You might think that I'm all dismal about losing some of the data from my old laptop. But quite the opposite is true. I guess some computer data and pictures just don't seem like too big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

(Now if Squarespace, who hosts my site, shut down... there may be some tears.)

And my new child pet laptop is just so sleek and shiny.

It softens the blow.

Look closely... (To the blurry photo.) Complete with children's fingerprints and everything! It has settled right into our family life.

By the way, the site on the screen is a new blog I'm falling in love with just a little... Sarah Jane Studios, link provided by my friend, Flying Jae's Mom. Check it out!

And look at this! The white plug on the left leads to my external hard drive, which is hooked up and set to back up my computer every Monday morning at 5am. Look at me... Livin'. Learnin'.

Over the last few weeks I have stumbled upon some files and pictures that I had saved in one way or another, including my personal journal that I had on my old computer, so it turns out all it not lost. And as for the old computer...

It's hanging out, set aside and slowly being stacked upon, as do most things in our house that I don't quite know what to do with.

Pay a pretty penny for a computer dude to do file recovery?

Let my kids play with it?

Give it to Elsa as a chew toy?

The possibilities are endless... But I'm pretty sure I'm not quite ready to part with it yet.

Even though I'm not too shook up about its death in the first place, I'm not completely heartless.

There's been a little disturbance in our thoughts lately. Despite being totally immersed in our children, work and projects, thoughts of Colorado have been creeping in.

It all started a couple of nights ago when I had a dream about our old manager from when we worked at the resort. Then the following morning, I found her name again on some paperwork I was going through. It peaked my interest, so I even checked out the website for the resort, just to see if anything new and interesting was going on. Looking at the pictures on the site (many of which I had taken myself) gave me a weird feeling... That place had such a hold on us. We gave so much of our life to it during the years we worked there. I personally felt a connection to it in a way I've never experienced before, other than with the farm I grew up on.

I don't like it... That pull. I don't think it's healthy to invest yourself so much in a place. Places aren't really important, in the grand scheme. I'd like to think I'm getting better at finding my security not so much in other people or places, but in my walk with Christ as a Christian. I'm glad that He led me in another direction.

Anyway... Memories.

Next, I visited a site I like to read sometimes, the Brown Eyed Fox blog. She lives in Wyoming, and some of the pictures she posted looked so much like Colorado, they pulled at my heart strings a little.

(Even though I'm glad God led me to where I'm at, I still have some fond memories!)

Mr. Blue Eyes and I were lying in bed the other night, talking about it. Talking about those years of our lives, how it all kind of seems l like a dream. We talked about the frogs in our pasture, and we talked about our friends there who were like our family. It was very bittersweet.

And gosh darnit, I just loved summers in Colorado (even though I was usually working my tail off). I hated spring (because it didn't exist... it was just an extension of winter), autumn was good, winter was w.i.n.d.y. (Seriously windy).

But summer...

Summer was always...

Perfect.

And it has been so stinkin' humid here in Minnesota. And hot. Everytime you go outside you feel like a wet rag.

But wouldn't you know, last evening, with a quiet rush of wind and a gentle rain, Minnesota went and turned itself all Colorado-like? I looked out the window and yelled to the kids, "Let's go run in the rain!"

Miss Peaches was all for it. Little Blue Eyes was skeptical, but once he saw Miss Peaches and I out there, he joined in. Pretty soon, even the Mr. was out there with us. It was a celebration! Of what, exactly, I can't say. Living a good life, I guess.

Today, the humidity has cleared. There is a soft and cooling breeze wafting in through the windows. The horses are happy. The dogs are happy. Farmer Gal is happy.

It's simply lovely.

Looks like the land of 10,000 lakes is reeling me back in.

Last night, out of the blue, I realized I've been pretty whiny lately. And even though you all are such good sports and continue to hang in there with me despite my grumbling, I fear I've taken advantage of your good nature.

Oh, poor me... I never have time to get anything done...

Oh, poor me... I'm not cool anymore...

Oh, poor me... I have to take my kids grocery shopping with me...

Oh, poor me... There are so many weeds in my garden...

Oh, poor me... My computer died...

Oh, poor me... My six-year-old nephew beat me at bean bag toss...

Oh, poor me... Toilet bowl cleaner splashed onto my fanny and burned me...

Um, never mind on that last one.

The point is, my LANTA, that's a lot of whining! It's gotta stop. Yes, we're tired. Yes, we're busy. But life is goooooood.

So, I'm done whining. I just thought you should know. I'll be back later to discuss something much more cheesy, I promise. :)

p.s. I realize the above picture has nothing to do with whining. Or cheese. But since my computer died (not whining, just stating a fact) and I lost a lot of my pictures (not whining, just stating a fact) and I don't have much time to take new pictures (not whining, just stating), I've decided to just rely on the photos I do have of Elsa. I don't think you can ever have too much Elsa anyway.

Elsa has nothing to do with this post, other than that I am totally 'caught up' in love with her, and thought I should share another picture of her cuteness. Partly because I just feel it's my duty to share Elsa's cuteness with the world, and partly because I lost all my pictures on the old computer, and haven't had time to take many more, so I'm sorely lacking in photographic material for my posts.

Which is precisely the point of this post... Time management.

Or lack thereof.

The title of this post -- 'Caught Up' -- is not in reference to me being caught up on anything. It's in reference to pretty much the opposite, actually... Being so caught up in the merry-go-round of life that I feel like I can't ever quite have time to accomplish anything.

Does that make sense?

I don't know if that makes sense.

I'm confused.

But I don't have time to sort it all out because there are just too many things to do.

And thus proves the point of this whole post.

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

Let's look at another picture of Elsa, shall we?

(Sigh.)

(Internal dialogue: Okay, Farmer Gal, back to center.)

Okay, I'm ready to move ahead.

But ahead to what? That's the loaded question. There's just so much to do! And I never catch up. Never ever catch up.

A couple months ago I realized this was happening... We were getting so busy, hubby was working longer hours (which can't be helped and is a blessing, really), lots of running around... You know the drill. And it was then I realized that I need to be much more protective of our time. Your own personal time, and time with your family, is actually something you have to fight for!

So, I have been trying to be mindful of that, trying to keep our obligations in check. But despite my best efforts, somehow I find myself at the intersection of many obligations, may projects at home needing my attention, and many creative ideas flowing out of my psyche, none of which I really have time to do anything about.

That's a kick in the pants isn't it? Why can't all these ideas come to me in the dead of winter when I actually have time?

But they don't. Instead I find myself in the dead of winter writing about dogs eating horse poop because it's the only inspiration I have.

(I take that back. Dogs eating horse poop is good stuff. I stand by my work.)

So, all I really find myself doing is makings lists. List after list after list. Lists that help me narrow down my highest priorities in this moment. And lists of ideas for things I can't get to right now, that I will hopefully run across in the dead of winter when I have the time for them.

What about you? Do you feel like you're caught in the rat race at the moment, or are you at peace with how you're spending your time?