Marking Our Territory

I was doing a little cleaning today. (I emphasize the word little because it really was just a little bit... Mostly getting some laundry done and picking up clothes.) While I was doing this I started pondering what cleaning, or not cleaning, or messing things up, means in our lives. I was thinking to myself, "Once we clean, why can't we just keep it that way? Why does it inevitably get messy again?"

In our family, this is what we do: We get our house all clean and tidy, everything completely picked up and put in it's place. Then, my husband gives our son a bath and leaves his clothes on the floor. Next, I wander in the door from going grocery shopping and leave my wallet on the counter. The next day, I wear an outfit once and since it isn't dirty I lay it on my dresser so that I can wear it again the next day. Except I don't wear it again the next day. Or the day after that, or the day after that. I do this a few times until I now have a pile of mostly clean clothes laying on my dresser.

So why do we do this? Why don't we just put stuff away in the moment, in an effort to maintain our clean and tidy state of being?

My theory is that we simply need to mark our territory. Fortunately we humans don't have the urge to pee on stuff to make it our own. But I think we do have a subliminal need to display ownership, leave behind little remnants of ourselves and what we've done throughout the day so as to show that we live here. This place is ours. This is our pad, these are the things that we do in it, and for some reason we feel the need to leave physical evidence of that.

Do you do this? When you put lotion on your hands do you like to leave it on the counter for a little while (or several weeks) before putting it away? Or do you do these things, but for a different reason than me? Or do you think I've just got too much time to think and you're bored to tears right now?

Wait, don't answer that last question. I couldn't bear to think that you all think I've got too much time to think. And then all I'd do is think about that. And then I'd write about it, and we'd be right back where we started.

I will say this for myself: I'm getting better at putting things away in the moment. When I take off my shoes, I usually put them back in their place instead of leaving them by the door or strewn across the living room. When I get undressed, if my clothes are re-wearable without a wash I put them away, most of the time. When I'm done eating crackers, I put the box back in the cupboard instead of leaving it on the counter, most of the time.

And, you know, I can't tell you how much this helps maintain a little order. We've got calamity galore, with Little Blue Eyes cruising around and dismantling most things in his path, so doing these little things does inevitably save me some time and also saves my sanity, just a little bit.

Over the past year or so I've begun to admire the fine art of the mothers in my life, the way these women glide from room to room, exercising efficiency all along the way... Pick up a dish here; put away a magazine there; wipe a counter here, and while you're wiping the counter, wipe off the microwave too; a place for everything and everything in its place.

I mostly notice this in my own mother. I'm the youngest of... A LOT of kids. All from the same mother and father. And for the most part, my mother maintained order for us all. Even at my Dad's funeral a few months back, when we somehow packed 40+ people in my parents' relatively small house, and when Mom was dealing with all the details and emotions of it all, I watched her effortlessly maintain order in the house. All of the casseroles and supplies that were generously and lovingly donated were immediately put in an appropriate place. Dishes were done. She even did a load of my laundry!

Now that I have babies of my own, I realize that she has spent years cultivating this skill, and like me, it is out of necessity. When you are a mother and wife, or even if you're not a mother and wife but you are giving a large part of yourself to something other than yourself, you slowly learn how to go about your day in a way that keeps it all together. And for some of us, I think this starts to become the new way we mark our territory... The signature of our existence in a place is the way we hold it all together. Sometimes we can't keep it up all the time, but for the most part we do, in our own ways.

On the other hand, some days things look a little more like this...

 And that's o.k. too.