Strength in Him

Today I ache.

I ache physically... Too little sleep? Not taking care of myself?

But more than that, I ache emotionally. Spiritually.

I ache with thoughts of past wrongs, past sins.

I visibly wince (though no one sees me) at the thoughts of my mistakes. I churn with my own iniquity.

This is not one of those instances where 'the body is weak, but the spirit is willing'. This is one of those instances where the body is weak and the spirit is flailing. I want to lie down. Lie down in the dirt outside our door. Lie down in the soft sunshine and gentle breeze, hear the rustling of the leaves. Lie down at His feet, cling to His robes, and feel His healing hand upon me. Let the tears of repentance flow.

As I laid down to sleep last night, dismayed, I was comforted by only one thought: The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Up until recently I had been reading in Nehemiah, how the people diligently began rebuilding walls. How they built their walls with one hand, while holding their weapons in the other, prepared to protect themselves from evil attacks. But I wandered away from this passage. Was lured away, perhaps. Now this thought, this revelation in the dark, brings me back to Nehemiah...

Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and teacher of the Law, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, “This day is holy to the LORD your God. Do not mourn or weep.” For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law. Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:9-10

Do not mourn or weep! Do not grieve! The joy of the Lord is your strength!

The only thing -- the absolute ONLY thing -- that overpowers the thought of, "I can't do this," is the truth of knowing that I can't, but He can. I am not capable of repairing my broken spirit, but He is. I don't know how to use this brokenness for His glory, but He does.

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him... Hebrews 5:7-9

Lord, thank You for your love. Thank You for your presence. Give me a heart like Jesus today. Help me to submit to You, to throw off everything that hinders, and live in Your grace. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Then I said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, “The work is extensive and spread out, and we are widely separated from each other along the wall. Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!” Nehemiah 4:19-20